"Oh Goodie!" – Updates MWF

There’s a motherfucking sitar.  What the hell am I listening to?

I may be uniquely qualified to review Weezer’s new album “Raditude”.  Unlike a lot of people, I don’t have any romanticized notions about their first two records.  My introduction to the group was 2001’s “Green Album”, and I’m in the minority who thinks “Maladroit” is their best album.  While I thought it was okay I don’t crap myself over their self-titled debut and their so-called masterpiece “Pinkerton”, the latter I find rather unlistenable (though having drunk idiots in college singing along to “El Scorcho” didn’t help I suppose).

I also skipped their last album out of sheer disinterest.  “Make Believe” just didn’t have enough to grab me, and I didn’t particularly like the new wave moments on that record.  And this is coming from a guy whose favorite Rush album is “Power Windows”.

I will say the reason people seem to latch onto Weezer’s first two records apparently have an “honesty” to them that listeners feel isn’t on their records afterwards.  I can’t attest how much “honesty” goes into anybody’s records in the age of irony, but I can say I find Weezer’s lyrics halfway between overly whiny or knowingly trite.

Let’s see which side of the fence “Raditude” falls on.

Opening track “(If You’re Wondering If I Want You To) I Want You To” opens with an upbeat acoustic guitar and drum beat, handclappingly so.  Lyrics are about being too nervous going out with a girl and wanting HER to make the first move (ladies, do it, this is a HUGE turn on).  This song fits frontman’s Rivers Cuomo’s usual lyrical M.O. of being shy and down on himself, but this time it’s pared with a rather peppy beat, rather than the trite chord bashing of “Beverly Hills”.

Well okay Weezer, you got my attention.  Let’s see what you got.

“I’m Your Daddy” has what sounds like a drum machine and an octave fuzz.  Did Weezer just do a dance song?  Why am I reminded of “I Was Made For Loving You” by Kiss?  The main riff isn’t bad, but the dance beat kinda kills it for me.  This track was co-written by Dr. Luke, who’s done a lot of work for female pop stars.  Why Weezer is aiming for Katy Perry’s audience I can’t say.  Maybe he should write a song about how gay U R.

“The Girl Got Hot” has some chord grinding and sing along vocals.  This is much more like it.  Lyrics are about Rivers meeting a girl he knew in junior high who grew up and “got hot”.  The Kiss references are starting to pile up, because this has Gene Simmons written all over it.

“Can’t Stop Partying” is another dance song featuring none other than Lil’ Wayne.  I tell ya there are few things as surreal as hearing Rivers Cuomo talking about heading to “da club”.  Even if sung ironically this doesn’t really work.  Lil’ Wayne sounds more natural when he comes in.  In fact, this seems much more like his song than Weezer’s.  I feel like I got grandfathered into a hip hop single on my rock album.

The rhythm of “Put Me Back Together” reminds me of “Now I’m Here” by Queen, but Rivers forgot the echo.  Features include big guitars and Rivers down on himself.  This is more what I expect.

“Trippin’ Down the Freeway” has more chord grinding.  Lyrics are about not giving on your relationship even though things are tough.  Two straight songs in Weezer’s classic format: bright, shiny, and not too whiny.  Okay, we’re back on track.

“Love Is The Answer” has a tabla, chanting, and a sitar.  A motherfucking sitar.  Clearly I spoke too soon.  Where the hell did this come from?  I’m confused.  What the fuck am I listening to?  For the love of God, NEXT TRACK!

“Let It All Hang Out” screeches in your ear from the start and heads right into it from the start.  Phew, just in time.  Lyrics are about leaving behind your stresses and having some fun.  Rivers makes some references to “homies” and “chillin” but there’s no more sitar so I’ll let that slide.

“In The Mall” was written by drummer Pat Wilson, making him the only band member other than Rivers or the producers to write a song.  That’s one thing about this album, I don’t sense the other band members that much.  Weezer has always been Cuomo’s band, but he and the producers fuck around so much on this record the others feel side-lined.  Cuomo is such a Beach Boys fan, maybe he finally made his “Pet Sounds”.  That would explain the fucking sitar.

I’m getting off message.  “In The Mall” has a mean riff and kind of a new wave feel, but not in a bad way.  Good contribution Pat.

“I Don’t Want To Let You Go” opens with an organ before adding a piano, and is Rivers in romantic mode again.  Guitars actually don’t factor in very heavily, aside from a clean guitar solo towards the end.  Kind of a soaring ballad, but it’s not over-produced.

In the end, I’m torn about “Raditude”.  Half of it is actually pretty solid rock songs, but the other half is filled with experiments that don’t really work.  I didn’t listen to the “Red Album” so I can’t say much about it, but I do know it didn’t even go Gold.  It feels like in their panic Weezer didn’t know what to do, so they decided to work with whomever they could and just threw everything against the wall hoping something would stick and get them a hit.

I can’t argue for Weezer’s “honesty”, but I do think they should just be themselves.  I have no clue who they are here.

My rating? Not very good.

I recently started blogging on the website Feministing to comment on feminism in comics, a subject I feel very strongly about.  The book Full Frontal Feminism, written by site founder Jessica Valenti, has been my go-to Bible for getting the feminist idealogy in my work straight and I highly recommend it.  I hope to make more posts like this in the future.

My first post is on DC’s current Powergirl run, written by Justin Gray & Jimmy Palmiotti with art by Amanda Conner.  Not only do I think this series is how female superheroes should be handled, but how superhero books as a whole should be handled.  Powergirl is an easy character to turn into cheesecake, but I feel the way Gray & Palmiotti handle the issue of her physique is sexy without being exploitative.  Plus in her alternate identity as Karen Starr she’s shown as a smart and successful businesswoman, the CEO of her own company.  The scenes of Powergirl outside of her costume are surprisingly well-written and I think would be interesting even outside the context of a superhero book.

I make it a point to buy anything Amanda Conner draws because she’s probably my favorite artist in mainstream comics today (check out her “Green Arrow & Black Canary Wedding Special”, written by Judd Winick).  Her art is always bright and vibrant without being overly complicated, something I feel hinders a lot of books these days (if I see anymore hatching in a superhero book I’m gonna lose it).  I honestly think her art would translate well to an animated series, so here’s hoping we have another Bruce Timm in the making.

A big reason I feel Powergirl is a good feminist example is because she’s always shown in control, either in costume or in her secret identity as CEO Karen Starr.  Most of the people who comment on the dreaded Women in Refrigerator Syndrome is that female heroines, not just supporting characters, are frequently humiliated or shown not as strong as their male counterparts.  Powergirl doesn’t have that problem, but I’m glad Gray and Palmiotti address the sexism issues head on instead of ignoring them, because this IS still a problem in today’s world.  Sexist looks or remarks ARE made at Powergirl in the series, but in the end you’re reminded she could either fire you or flatten you with her fist.  My point is she doesn’t back down.

But when it comes right down to it…it’s fun.  Remember fun?  The reason we USED to read comics before it became like a second job we had to pay for?  So if you’re sick of big crossover events where all your favorite heroes get killed only to be brought back once the story’s over, pick this up!

Nickelback made me hate sex and I hope they’re proud of themselves.

I usually avoid Nickelback like the plague, and really can you blame me?  Back when I was in high school I ran the gamut of angsty rock music most teens at the beginning of the 21st century (Korn, Linkin Park, Evanescence, etc).  The thing with angst though is that while you express it most as a teenager, you have more reason to have it when you’re an adult, thus you tend to seek it out less.

So I started seeking out more music that was fun to listen to, and I certainly wouldn’t call Nickelback fun.  I’d call them lumbering, ham-fisted, misogynistic, and mean-spirited, the last of which I can’t forgive in any media I partake in.  Plus after reading his interview in Playboy magazine I’ve pretty much decided Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger IS the biggest douche on the planet.

I have, however, been morbidly fascinated by their recent record “Dark Horse” because it’s produced by Mutt Lange, a man who produced two of my favorite records: “Back in Black” by AC/DC and “Hysteria” by Def Leppard.  You see, in my search for music that was more fun to listen to, I stumbled onto 80’s metal.  Never fear, I have qualifiers when it comes to 80’s metal, so my record collection isn’t now filled with the complete catalogs of Poison, Slaughter, or The Vinnie Vincent Invasion.  It is however filled with a lot of Iron Maiden, Judas Priest, and Roth-era Van Halen.

If you’re looking for a mainline of fun in your earlobe, 80’s metal is the place to go.  And Mutt Lange’s produced some of the best.  Now the same tags I used to described Nickelback (lumbering, ham-fisted, misogynist) could easily apply to AC/DC or Def Leppard, but the difference is those bands aren’t mean-spirited.  In fact the sexism most 80’s metal bands were so known for was so over-the-top that nowadays it seems quaint rather than offensive.  It helped that these bands didn’t take themselves too seriously and set out to just make some pureless mindless fun.

Nickelback is certainly mindless.  Fun?  Not so much.

First off on “Dark Horse” is “Something in Your Mouth”, a charming song about a stripper who gets big tips where she dances because all the guys love her “oral fixation”.  In the song that equals constantly sucking on her thumb, but the double entendre is so thick that cops would wear it under their uniforms to protect themselves from gunfire.

It’s in this first song you see Mutt Lange’s influence, particularly in the lyrics.  The bands Lange produces are known for their songs about hard-lived women all the guys want, something Nickelback was doing already so hey, off to a good start right?  But minus a few squealies and double-tracked vocals they pair it up with Nickelback’s game lumbering rhythms and leaden pace.  I frankly don’t feel like having a big dumb Kaunck with a record contract yelling in my ear about some whore he met.

Next up is “Burn It To The Ground”, which is about getting drunk on whiskey and partying so hard you…well, you know.  I’m not being snarky when I say I thought there was a mistake and I’d just keyed up the first track again, but no this was a different song apparently.  Nevermind it had the same drum beat, similar vocal melody, hell it almost has the same running time.  Suddenly “How You Remind Me of Someday” seemed all the more potent.

“Gotta Be Somebody” thankfully has a different vocal melody (if not a different drum beat), but sadly it’s Nickelback in ballad more, something arguably worse than Nickelback in party rock mode.  I’m glad I don’t listen to rock radio much in my car anymore because I developed pretty swift station-changing reflexes when “Photograph” off Nickelback’s previous record came on, and this song makes me want to see if I can beat my old time of 0.2 seconds.  Lyrics are about Kroeger singing how “there’s gotta be somebody for me out there”, which after singing about drinking and strippers seems a bit insincere.  Last time I checked doesn’t Kroeger have a girlfriend?  Nay a fiancee?  Dude, just go back to your house, she’s right there.

Track four is “I’d Come for You”.  Sheesh, four songs in and we already had two entendres in the title.  At least Spinal Tap was direct with titles like “Big Bottom” or “Sex Farm”.  Another maudlin ballad, not much to say.

“Next Go Round” has kind of a gritty intro, which “Something In Your Mouth” also had.  This very quickly fell back into lumbering mode, so any hope I had about something different was quickly dashed on both occasions.  Way to not surprise your critics guys.  I wish I could tell you what this song is about but I couldn’t understand what the fuck Kroeger was saying and didn’t care enough to look up the lyrics.

“Just to Get High” at least has a more direct title, but it doesn’t go the direction you think.  Rather this is Kroeger’s ode to a friend who got strung out on drugs, and warns people AGAINST getting high.  If only if he’d switched from needles to whiskey shots then Kroeger would be singing his praises.  To quote Bill Hicks (though he meant it sarcastically): “It’s okay to drink your drug”.

“Never Gonna Be Alone” is another ballad.  Sheesh these guys are like the Canadian metal version of Air Supply.  The acoustic guitars fade to the electric ones at the exact moment you expect them to, moving on.

“Shakin’ Hands” has another gritty intro that gives me false hope for something different, and this time it fights the lumbering riffs during the verses for dominance, like a new idea or subtlety was trying to assert itself but was quickly squashed.  Lyrics are about whores.  At least Nickelback supports capitalism.  I’m almost positive they use the same wah solo from Track 2.

Now we have the most direct title yet: “S.E.X.”.  Yes, Nickelback has finally decided to LITERALLY spell it out for you.  According to the chorus “Sex is always the answer”.  Apparently it’s your only lyrical inspiration too Chad.  You’ve ruined sex for me.  I hope you’re proud of yourself.

The chorus effect on the opening chord of “If Today Was Your Last Day” reminded me of “Rooster” by Alice in Chains, doing nothing but reminding me of what I COULD be listening to.  Lyrics are about a friend telling you to live life to your fullest, like I needed these shmucks to tell me.  Apparently this means sleeping with lots of whores to Chad, since he writes so many songs about them.  Catching a dangerous venereal disease sure makes a guy count his blessings.

“This Afternoon”, the last song, opens with laughter.  I want to say they’re laughing at you for buying this shit, but like Michael Bay they’re being sincere so the jokes on everyone involved.  Actually this song is an upbeat acoustic ditty about hanging out with your friends and smoking pot all day.  So booze and pot are okay, but not whatever stuff you were chastising your friend for using on track 6?  I certainly don’t think pot is as bad as coke or heroin, but that’s like telling somebody not to eat McDonald’s and then going to Burger King.  Both are gonna kill you eventually, especially in large doses.

This is pretty much what Nickelback’s songs come down to.  They’re either ballads trying to teach you life lessons, or lumbering rockers about bangin’ some hoes after the show.  You can call their catalog balanced because one type of song makes the other seem less sincere.  I’d be more into their songs about partying and sex (what all good rock is about) if they didn’t seem so damned boring.  And after listening to them I CERTAINLY don’t want to take any life lessons from this tool and his band of fools.

To say I don’t see the appeal of Nickelback would be an understatement.  And to say I don’t know how they’ve sold so many records would be further understatementing.  I don’t blame labels for putting this out, and I don’t blame people for buying it.  Dumb lunkheads are gonna be making records and selling them in droves at Wal-Mart long after I’m gone.  But when I think about how many bands with interesting songs and things to say get ignored in favor of safe pandering crap like this, I can’t help but bang my head against the wall.

My only solace is that this album hasn’t sold as much as their previous record “All the Right Reasons”, which almost went Diamond in the US for Christ’s sake.  But still, selling two million copies is like selling twenty million in today’s shitty record market.  It’s a shame Mutt Lange decided not to bring his fun with him.

Maybe Shania Twain got it in the divorce.

My rating?  Fucking Awful.

Ratings:
5 – Really Good
4 – Pretty Good
3 – Good
2 – Not Very Good
1 – Fucking Awful

I’ll be doing stand-up at Lethal Poetry’s “Words That Kill” Comedy & Poetry Showcase in the city this thursday!  Lethal Poetry is an entertainment company put together by my good friends Mojdeh Stoakley and Elanor Smith dedicated to bettering Chicago through art and community interaction.  This show’s theme is “Philosphy Day”.  I’m sure I can come up with a good dick joke for that.

November 19th
“Words That Kill”
@ Lilly’s Bar
2513 N. Lincoln Ave
Chicago IL